Russian Women Versus American Women

        For decades men from many countries, at one time or another, have considered the idea of Russian brides. Why aren't they content with the women in their own country?  There are plenty of beautiful women in every culture all over the world. Why do some men look outside their country for their ideal mate? Are Russian women really so beautiful that men all over the world prefer them to the ones they meet in their own country? Maybe beauty has nothing to do with it. Maybe it's because Russian women have a more traditional view of the relationship between a man and a woman. Maybe some men like the notion that they might be rescuing a woman from the oppressive lives they have to live in Russia. If you believe Russians need rescuing know this; while there may be many people who would like to leave Russia, in general they are very proud of, and love their culture and do not need to be rescued from it.  Even if they are seeking better economic conditions outside of Russia, most have no intention of completely abandoning their roots. Or maybe you're in the camp of those who believe it's only desperate men, incapable of winning the heart of a woman in their own country, who seek Russian women that are eager to settle in a country with a better standard of living. Well there are lots of men, especially from America, marrying women from countries like Russia, the Philippines, or China, and so on. Are these men all such losers that no woman in America would have them? Is it possible something has happened in the American culture to turn these men off?  My 3 years experience in Russia has given me an inside look into Russian culture. This site will give you my take on relationships with Russian women and hopefully explain the lure, and how to have a successful relationship if you meet a Russian woman.

        Why Not Marry American?

 
        I am sure one aspect of the attraction to foreigners is simply because it's exciting being with someone from another culture.  It's not just men who find this exciting by the way. While it can be very exciting, it, at the same time can make for a more challenging relationship if you don't fully understand the culture you are marrying into.  It's one thing to be curious and explore another culture, but making a lifetime commitment and starting a family is something else.  Despite cultural differences, this is what I see happening on a seemingly increasing scale.  I noticed Russia was flooded with foreigners looking to meet a good Russian woman when I lived there.  Quite a few men I worked with over there were thinking about, or committed to, leaving their countries to live out the rest of their lives in Russia with their new love.

        So why are more and more men choosing a Russian bride over an American bride?  Part of the answer lies with the culture America has evolved into. We have become a culture where we teach our kids that they are great no matter what and never have to know failure or humility. I believe this creates a culture of elitists who believe they deserve everything and nothing is ever good enough for them. This is not an attack on women, I see this in both sexes in America. There is nothing wrong with failing at something once in a while. I see no benefit to raising a child to think they are better than everyone else and deserve only the best even if they are mediocre at achieving it. I think hard times and failures build character. It's just a part of life we learn to accept. Now these kids who were raised to understand they are the best person in the world and can do no wrong, are getting to an age when people start thinking about marriage.

         Living and working in Russia allowed me to feel like a part of the culture while I was there. It's hard to put into words exactly what I felt as my understanding of their culture deepened, but I will try. When I compare life in America today to how it was 40 plus years ago I feel sad sometimes. I think with all our technological advancements and the American mindset to always be driven for success, we are losing our core values. When I was young I felt like I always knew who to trust. Who was a friend and who wasn't.  These days it's getting harder for me to distinguish. People are more interested in advancing their career or buying the next new gadget than maintaining close relations.  I got caught up in this way of thinking over the years too. I was no better than the next guy putting toys and work before everything. Things changed for me around 12 years ago when I was lucky enough to meet a Russian family living in America. I became very close to this family and actually lived with them for a couple of years. They changed my whole perspective on life. After getting to know and love this family, I just had to see this culture in their native land.  When the opportunity presented its self, I got an ESL certification and moved to Russia. I was there from 2007 until 2010. It took me a lot of time to adapt and understand the culture but I am glad I made the effort.

Sexy vs Sex Appeal

        Are Russian women really so much sexier than other women? If you think so, is it because they are just genetically designed in a way that most people find them more attractive?  Russian people in general are a very good looking in my opinion. The men who take care of themselves are strong and handsome looking.  The women take good care of themselves and love to look nice. Like Americans, Russians have genetic influence from many cultures, so you will find there really isn't a specific feature one could claim as Russian looking. What each of us thinks is good looking is a matter of personal preference. We develop our sense of what is or isn't attractive in our childhood. I don't want to get into the whole psychology of why we are attracted to certain types, but I will note that there does seem to be certain looks that are more  commonly thought to be appealing. Dare I say, some cultures seem to have a higher percentage of attractive people than others?

        So, are Russian women sexy, or do they have sex appeal? What's the difference between them. Sexy is more about a person's appearance and less about their attitude. Anyone who tries to stay in good physical condition, and pays attention to fashion, can look sexy.  Sex appeal is all about attitude. I don't think a person has to have great features to have sex appeal. Have you ever had a situation where you were not attracted to a person at first but after getting to know them you wanted to be with them? Conversely, have you ever been intensely attracted to someone but after you got to know them better you couldn't even think about touching them? I think people have different ideas about what looks sexy, but most people will agree that sex appeal comes from within a person.

          What attitudes do men prefer and which are a game stopper? I can't speak for all men but I have to wonder if men are starting to look for more feminine qualities in a woman.  Because of the sexual revolution America undertook, people are not always sure what role to play in a relationship. Men are taking on more feminine behaviors and women more masculine behaviors. I think most men were all for it because it meant women were freer to be promiscuous without worrying about being labeled in a negative way. I see a trend in America going back to people being more monogamous, which is a good thing for our society.  The gender role reversal or gender melding that has taken place may be good in some ways and not so good in others. I hear women all the time talk about how they like a man to be rugged and muscular but 20 or so years ago that was thought to be barbaric and women sought more intellectual men who could get in touch with their feelings. Now they want both which is a good thing really. People need to follow their instincts more. It should be a huge red flag when a society needs books by love professors, or magazines like Cosmo, to tell them how to do what should be our most basic instinct, find love. For a while it seemed like men were supposed to sacrifice their masculinity to attract a woman. Men have similar wants about the women they seek. Some men like the athletic type while others like the beauty queen type but in either case, I think men prefer to be in the traditional role of a man and liken woman be in the traditional role of a woman. It doesn't mean women are the lesser sex if she allows her feminine side to show more. It just means she is strong enough to compete in any business situation and feminine enough to wow any man.

        When I said women in America might be taking on some masculine characteristics what exactly did I mean? This is a tough concept to explain without sounding critical or condescending. One thing I learned during a marriage counseling session was about body language. We all know body language is 80 or 90 percent of communication. Sometimes a man can display a posture towards his woman that may be perceived as threatening.  The man may not even know he is doing it. Women have changed their body language over the years and probably don't realize it. Many women don't think about how they hold their arms for example when talking to someone. There are certain hand and arm gestures that are typical of men and some that are typical of women. Women are carrying themselves more like men these days. They have become more like men in the way they walk and gesture. It used to be normal for a woman to learn social graces that are more feminine. How to walk for example with short steps and poise. High heels were popular because it made men turn their heads, although I will never understand how women did it all those years. Things changed when all this awareness came out about feminism.  Women were influenced by the liberation movement to act more like men to get respect in America. I think the movement missed the target on that point a little. I think equal rights could have been introduced without completely changing how a woman carries herself. Some women are quick to criticize men for pointing out any little thing about women they don't like, but women have all kinds of demands on how a  man should be. The reason I pointed these things out is because of what I witnessed living in Russia. Women there are stronger than the men in so many ways. Men there can be like little boys and the women have to keep them in line. Women there hold good jobs, raise kids and keep the household together. Russian men aren't as willing as American men to share in the domestic duties. I was often criticized by my Russian girlfriend for doing domestic chores, but that criticism soon turned into appreciation. No matter how much responsibility the woman has on her shoulders or what age she is, she always wanted to be treated as the weaker sex by a man. I say weaker sex not because I see it that way, it's the only way I can think of to express how Russian women want their man to treat them. Inside I am sure the women know they are not weak, but they know how men respond to being put in a position of being the hero or protecting his woman. At first I thought this was phony crap just to manipulate men, but then I noticed something. I started to feel better than I had in a long time in a relationship. I liked that a woman depended on me for certain things. I think that's how men and women complement each other.

         I should mention that I was married to a feminist years ago and was totally on board with the movement. Now I believe the pendulum has swung a little too far the other way. The thing that is interesting about the roles men and women play in America, as compared to Russia, is they know in Russia that it's an illusion to keep the other person feeling more like their gender is supposed to. In America couples laugh at this behavior. It's as if Americans have risen above the need to feel more manly or more womanly. Intimacy in America has become impersonal and mechanical in my opinion. It's like people see it as a chore that had to get done. I am not saying there is never passion, but it quickly turns into a routine without passion. What I felt in Russia was hard for me to understand in the beginning, but I became more interested in intimacy, it's like my testosterone level had changed. America has become more unisex like and now people take pills or injections to compensate for their loss of drive.

        I personally find most cultures have attractive people, but Eastern Europeans seem to be the culture that draws me the most. Maybe it's because of my Italian heritage. I find there are many parallels between Russians and Italians in attitude, family values and their emphasis on food. Being raised in an Italian family dinner time wasn't just a means to get some nourishment. It was usually an event that required a lot of planning and preparation. Grandma was always proud of what she was able to put together for dinner every day. Everyone participated in the preparation for dinner and looked forward to the social event. The dinner table invariably ended up being the nucleus of this weekly affair and lasted well into the evening. When I was lucky enough to be invited to some dinner events in Russia, especially at holiday time, the gatherings were always warm and full of energy while everyone shared stories. This is how I remember get-togethers being when I was growing up. I miss those kinds of bonding times with friends and family in America. People are always too busy for relaxed quality family time.  I think this plays into a big part of why I am drawn to Russians.

        After reading my thoughts and experiences on Russian women if you are interested to learn my ideas of having a successful relationship with one, check out my post on Understanding Russian women.